The first week of Camp Calvary ends tomorrow. It's an interesting camp, and I think I'm learning a lot about kids as well as about other cultures.
The kids are really adorable, and I noticed that the younger children give their love away much easier than the older kids. The first graders all hug and cling onto me, and the fourth graders just show excitement to see me, but the seventh graders just smile and wave, nothing more. When I think about it now, maybe their affection is just another part of what "child-like faith" is actually like. They're so trusting of everyone, and they've never been truly hurt before, so their affection and faith come so easily. Older children, however, have been hurt a few more times, so it takes some time to win them over. I think that could be why we have such trouble having child-like faith, even with God Almighty, who has and can do everything for us. We fear completely trusting someone because people have always disappointed us in some fashion or other. We are hurt so much by fellow humans that we can't trust the one person who is most trustworthy...
Anyway, my kids are just bundles of endless surprises. On the way to their recreational activities, the nine-year-olds have made racist comments not just about Asians, but also Mexicans. I'm surprised that they're as ignorant as they are, and in trying to figure out where their influence comes from, I learned that even at 9, they're addicted to TV channels like MTV and VH1. It's really sad to think how detrimental technology and internet really is.
Lately, my brain has been pretty scattered and lazy. I think it's because I'm extremely distracted by my desire for a good camera but also by the internet... and the prospect of finally being able to drive.
I should start to try to cut off my ties to AIM and Facebook while I see the need for it...
25.6.09
20.6.09
Most Memorable
Today was a good day even though it didn't start out as such.
For DukeEngage we have mandatory activities every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Today's activity was a walking tour about the history of Durham. I think it could have been interesting, but the majority of the information was already drilled into our heads from previous weeks. Trekking through the streets in Durham in 100 degree weather with 80% humidity was awful. The most memorable part of the tour was a girl passing out. In the aftermath, someone said, "it's times like these that I want to be a doctor." How true. We had to call the paramedics to make sure that she was okay. How nice would it be to just know what the protocol is to take care of someone who just passed out. No need to bother anyone else, just take care of it and know that she's better.
After our tour, we went to The Know bookstore and had lunch and a little speech from the owner. I absolutely hate it when people ask, "Where are you from?" and they mean what's your nationality. Just because I have yellow-ish skin, small eyes, and straight black hair does not mean I was born somewhere else. I was born and raised in Michigan, and I'm much more American than I am Chinese. I just don't appreciate that. Unfortunately, I know I do it too. I don't think I realized how hurtful it is until it happened to me three times this summer. The owner of the The Know bookstore asked us that very question. He presented to us his theory that we should remain completely true to our culture and not fall into American traditions. He was so extreme and impenetrable with his ideas that it was really frustrating to sit through.
Anyway, after the mandatory activity, I was able to hang out with two of my peers and watched Up and went to Southpoint afterwards.
Up was definitely a different type of Disney movie but good nonetheless. I think it sends a good message not just to children but also adults who are taking their kids to watch the movie. It's easy to get caught up in the past, so much so that we lose sight on what's actually going on in real life. Sometimes, we just need that little push from someone to realize that our priorities are out of order (bird vs. burning house). For kids, the movie gave kids someone to relate to. Russell is our hero in this movie! He's a Wilderness Scout--someone respectable and skilled. In his mission to complete his sash of badges, he changes into a kid who is strong in so many facets.
The best was definitely saved for last. Tonight, I had a conversation with a few of my fellow DukeEngagers that was something I only heard about. We talked about different dimensions and how things could be so completely different. It was just mind boggling at the time and plain amazing. These people are so knowledgeable about the most random things. I really admire how they're passionate about what they're learning, and I love talking to them so much because I adore how they think. I really hope Duke changes how I think so that I start thinking outside the box.
For DukeEngage we have mandatory activities every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Today's activity was a walking tour about the history of Durham. I think it could have been interesting, but the majority of the information was already drilled into our heads from previous weeks. Trekking through the streets in Durham in 100 degree weather with 80% humidity was awful. The most memorable part of the tour was a girl passing out. In the aftermath, someone said, "it's times like these that I want to be a doctor." How true. We had to call the paramedics to make sure that she was okay. How nice would it be to just know what the protocol is to take care of someone who just passed out. No need to bother anyone else, just take care of it and know that she's better.
After our tour, we went to The Know bookstore and had lunch and a little speech from the owner. I absolutely hate it when people ask, "Where are you from?" and they mean what's your nationality. Just because I have yellow-ish skin, small eyes, and straight black hair does not mean I was born somewhere else. I was born and raised in Michigan, and I'm much more American than I am Chinese. I just don't appreciate that. Unfortunately, I know I do it too. I don't think I realized how hurtful it is until it happened to me three times this summer. The owner of the The Know bookstore asked us that very question. He presented to us his theory that we should remain completely true to our culture and not fall into American traditions. He was so extreme and impenetrable with his ideas that it was really frustrating to sit through.
Anyway, after the mandatory activity, I was able to hang out with two of my peers and watched Up and went to Southpoint afterwards.
Up was definitely a different type of Disney movie but good nonetheless. I think it sends a good message not just to children but also adults who are taking their kids to watch the movie. It's easy to get caught up in the past, so much so that we lose sight on what's actually going on in real life. Sometimes, we just need that little push from someone to realize that our priorities are out of order (bird vs. burning house). For kids, the movie gave kids someone to relate to. Russell is our hero in this movie! He's a Wilderness Scout--someone respectable and skilled. In his mission to complete his sash of badges, he changes into a kid who is strong in so many facets.
The best was definitely saved for last. Tonight, I had a conversation with a few of my fellow DukeEngagers that was something I only heard about. We talked about different dimensions and how things could be so completely different. It was just mind boggling at the time and plain amazing. These people are so knowledgeable about the most random things. I really admire how they're passionate about what they're learning, and I love talking to them so much because I adore how they think. I really hope Duke changes how I think so that I start thinking outside the box.
19.6.09
Fellowship
Fellowship tonight was a blessing.
Ever since Sarah left, I felt really wary of going to church. Sarah was my comfort; she's a good friend and she knows me well. I knew that tonight was going to be weird for me, since I don't know any of the other people here that well.
I got to know JLee and John Moon a little better from our hang out when Grace was over, and tonight, I got to know Yooni and Jaehee a little better and it's really encouraging that during the summer God is still showing me that building relationships isn't as hard as it may seem. When I decided to break off a relationship that was really important to me, I was convicted that God would provide the friends and the relationships that I desired and needed. I needed friends that I could talk to about problems; I needed friends who would be my community and lift me up when I'm down. Granted, GMCC is a church with a blessed community, but I needed that group of friends that I always happened to have at home.
After the break-up, I became good friends with so many people, but this summer has just been a surprise and a blessing molded into one. I've become better friends with many of the girls in my class as well as in other years. I never thought that I was really good at becoming friends with girls, but God has really started to shape my heart and my personality and just shown me that anything is really possible.
Ever since Sarah left, I felt really wary of going to church. Sarah was my comfort; she's a good friend and she knows me well. I knew that tonight was going to be weird for me, since I don't know any of the other people here that well.
I got to know JLee and John Moon a little better from our hang out when Grace was over, and tonight, I got to know Yooni and Jaehee a little better and it's really encouraging that during the summer God is still showing me that building relationships isn't as hard as it may seem. When I decided to break off a relationship that was really important to me, I was convicted that God would provide the friends and the relationships that I desired and needed. I needed friends that I could talk to about problems; I needed friends who would be my community and lift me up when I'm down. Granted, GMCC is a church with a blessed community, but I needed that group of friends that I always happened to have at home.
After the break-up, I became good friends with so many people, but this summer has just been a surprise and a blessing molded into one. I've become better friends with many of the girls in my class as well as in other years. I never thought that I was really good at becoming friends with girls, but God has really started to shape my heart and my personality and just shown me that anything is really possible.
DukeEngage Reflection
I know I've been complaining a lot about having to go to these mandatory reflection sessions for DukeEngage, but yesterday's session was really good and thought-provoking. Best of all, it challenged me to reevaluate social norms that I believed to be set in stone.
One of the people in DukeEngage is an international student from Zimbabwe. He shared that as a black student, he expected to naturally become friends with other black students. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He became friends with other international students--students who also had trouble conforming to our American lifestyle as well as overcoming the language barrier. He said something that was extremely wise and something that I find to be very true:
Well, I want to step out of my comfort zone.
Yesterday, we also talked about identity. We talked about racial and economic stereotypes, as well as religious ones. How they hinder how we see things and how we act around people, as well as our friend group. I realized that I identify firstly as being Asian and second-of-all as being Christian. Others said they identified as being gay and one person, whom I really respect after last night, said that she identified herself as being part of DUU. She told us how she didn't look at skin color or class to determine her friends, but rather personality. As much as I'd like to say that I do that; I don't. It's easier for me to approach someone who's Asian or someone I've seen at some church meeting or something I've seen surrounded by other Asians that it is for me to approach a white person or a sorority girl.
After I came home, I wrote a list of how I identify myself, and it made me kind of sad.
On Duke campus, I identify myself as...
This thought has been revolving in my head for awhile, but yesterday really convicted me that as much as I love GMCC, I want to be tied to something at Duke as well. I started to think of clubs and organizations at Duke that I would be interested in joining; however one final thought from the reflection session popped up in my mind...
A girl in a service fraternity told us about how, as Duke students, we're so focused on the future that we aren't willing to devote ourselves to anything that I believe in because it drains so much time away from our studies. She recounted how no one wanted to run for leadership positions in the fraternity for fear that the time commitment would draw them away from getting into Medical School, Law School, Grad School...
Honestly, that's me too. I wanted to start to step out of my church more because the fellowships would take away so much from my studies. Selfishly, I wanted to say it was to be a bigger part of the campus, but it's not. I'm afraid that if I go to these fellowships that occur so often, I will no longer be able to go to a good medical school. I think, however, that my reasoning for why I don't want to go to our fellowships as often is solid. I don't think GMCC fellowships are always God-centered. It doesn't always have to be, but in the majority of our hangouts during the schoolyear, I didn't feel any closer to God. I felt closer to my peers but that wasn't from growing closer to God together, it was from hanging out so much.
What I do feel convicted of is growing closer to God. I haven't hungered for God in awhile... I also feel convicted of joining an organization on campus that I strongly believe in. What the girl said last night really made me think. I want to become a doctor so I can make a difference in someone's life. But am I so driven by this goal that I'm blind to the other opportunities available to make a difference in someone's life at this moment? Sharing the gospel is the greatest thing one can do to change someone's life, and yet I don't have the courage to do so and so I push it aside and hide behind my Orgo books. Maybe later I'll have the courage. Maybe later I'll have the time. Maybe later I'll know just the right thing to say.
One of the people in DukeEngage is an international student from Zimbabwe. He shared that as a black student, he expected to naturally become friends with other black students. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He became friends with other international students--students who also had trouble conforming to our American lifestyle as well as overcoming the language barrier. He said something that was extremely wise and something that I find to be very true:
The people we're friends with aren't always people of the same skin color; my close friends arethe people who have faced similar challenges as me.I find that to be very true. I like hanging out with Asian people more because they face similar stereotypes, and I prefer socializing with Christians because they face similar challenges on campus. It's easier to be friends with people that don't do things that challenge you because it's comfortable.
Well, I want to step out of my comfort zone.
Yesterday, we also talked about identity. We talked about racial and economic stereotypes, as well as religious ones. How they hinder how we see things and how we act around people, as well as our friend group. I realized that I identify firstly as being Asian and second-of-all as being Christian. Others said they identified as being gay and one person, whom I really respect after last night, said that she identified herself as being part of DUU. She told us how she didn't look at skin color or class to determine her friends, but rather personality. As much as I'd like to say that I do that; I don't. It's easier for me to approach someone who's Asian or someone I've seen at some church meeting or something I've seen surrounded by other Asians that it is for me to approach a white person or a sorority girl.
After I came home, I wrote a list of how I identify myself, and it made me kind of sad.
On Duke campus, I identify myself as...
- Asian
- GMCC
- Pre-Med
This thought has been revolving in my head for awhile, but yesterday really convicted me that as much as I love GMCC, I want to be tied to something at Duke as well. I started to think of clubs and organizations at Duke that I would be interested in joining; however one final thought from the reflection session popped up in my mind...
A girl in a service fraternity told us about how, as Duke students, we're so focused on the future that we aren't willing to devote ourselves to anything that I believe in because it drains so much time away from our studies. She recounted how no one wanted to run for leadership positions in the fraternity for fear that the time commitment would draw them away from getting into Medical School, Law School, Grad School...
Honestly, that's me too. I wanted to start to step out of my church more because the fellowships would take away so much from my studies. Selfishly, I wanted to say it was to be a bigger part of the campus, but it's not. I'm afraid that if I go to these fellowships that occur so often, I will no longer be able to go to a good medical school. I think, however, that my reasoning for why I don't want to go to our fellowships as often is solid. I don't think GMCC fellowships are always God-centered. It doesn't always have to be, but in the majority of our hangouts during the schoolyear, I didn't feel any closer to God. I felt closer to my peers but that wasn't from growing closer to God together, it was from hanging out so much.
What I do feel convicted of is growing closer to God. I haven't hungered for God in awhile... I also feel convicted of joining an organization on campus that I strongly believe in. What the girl said last night really made me think. I want to become a doctor so I can make a difference in someone's life. But am I so driven by this goal that I'm blind to the other opportunities available to make a difference in someone's life at this moment? Sharing the gospel is the greatest thing one can do to change someone's life, and yet I don't have the courage to do so and so I push it aside and hide behind my Orgo books. Maybe later I'll have the courage. Maybe later I'll have the time. Maybe later I'll know just the right thing to say.
9.6.09
Sometimes mandatory discussions can be useful...
Today during our Panel Discussion, I met a lot of people really involved with education. Some things that I learned:
- Individual attention with kids are a must
- Good relationships between teachers and parents are helpful to help the child (kind of like the Trinity)
- Positive attitudes (sometimes kids reflect the negative attitudes their teachers/tutors give them with their parents)
- Sometimes kids drop out because they feel so miserable in high school (not fitting in, rich kids and poor kids - poor kids feel like how they dress etc isn't good enough)
- Oftentimes, kids who aren't doing well get pushed aside.
- But almost always, the kids who do average are neglected
5.6.09
Catching Up
I have a lot of catching up to do!
Since my first day at work, I fell completely in love with my 4-year-olds. They were so adorable and innocent. I love the little things that they say that show how little they know about the real world... Unfortunately, that program (Operation Breakthrough) ended last week, so I won't be seeing the babies anymore...
I guess one thing that I realized about that program was my inability to really get the adults that I worked with to respect me. They addressed me occasionally, and I guess I didn't feel really needed there. I think that's more of my desire to be relevant which is really not that important. Anyway, I just hope I made a difference with the kids and helped them in some way. I certainly learned how to cope with their constant desire to have anything they want, which is something that will come in hand in later years.
With the K-6 kids, they're really different. They're all beginning to be a bit hormonal, and they all want to fit in so they like to copy each other. Then the little kids are bratty but so adorable...
One of our supervisors wanted them to memorize poems for their presentation this Monday, and the poems are random motivational poems; however, they don't even rhyme and they don't even have a specific rhythm... Well I worked with two 3rd graders, one kindergartner, and sometimes one 1st grader and one 4th grader. It was honestly so difficult, and I just felt like I was pulling teeth. I felt bad that I had to bribe them since they're not always going to have some sort of substantial reward for just following directions... A few days ago, they had a rehearsal and they had to recite their poems for the lady who assigned them, and my kids were perfect in their recitations. I was so proud :) I think that was the first time that I actually felt maybe an inkling of how parents feel when their kids have done well in school or how teachers feel when students actually try.
One thing that happened at work today was a little unexpected I guess. The kids have a dance teacher named Mr. Haddis. Mr. Haddis is black, middle aged, and very very talkative. He approached Celeste and I as we were about to leave and he basically made references to the fact that I was Asian and female... Celeste and I were both really blown away by that, and I'm glad that Celeste and I did have similar reactions. I was really surprised that race was brought into an innocent conversation, and even though I do sometimes feel some favoritism towards Celeste because she's black, I've never heard anyone point at race so outwardly before. Besides, even with the favoritism towards Celeste, I feel like she deserves it because she's a really great people person that I really admire and from whom I'm learning a lot. Anyway, Mr. Haddis's comments were just a good reminder that there are some things that I just can't avoid, and that is part of the reason why my mom wants me to work harder so that my merits can outweigh any disadvantages from my skin color.
Before I left for work today, however, I saw something really selfless. I was walking across the street to meet Celeste to go to work and it was pouring like none other. As I was crossing I heard a dog bark, and I saw a woman in a wheelchair (and the dog on a leash next to her) who seemed to be waiting for someone. I saw a guy come out of his parked car with an umbrella and he started helping the woman with something. I assumed that he was her assistant and that he was just going to help her get her wheelchair moving and then park his car or something. As Celeste and I were driving past them, she wondered if they needed any help. She rolled down her window, and as it was going, we saw that the woman was finally able to move and we heard her say to the guy, "so what was your name again?" As we drove off, we saw him push her to whereever she was going while the rain poured and poured.
I haven't seen anyone decide to help someone truly in need and just cast aside their belongings to do a good deed. Even when the Bible tells us that we must always be prepared to leave our possessions and follow the Lord, it can sometimes be so difficult for us to do so; yet, this guy was willing to leave his car haphazardly parked in the road with probably a lot of possessions in it to help a woman he did not know and to see that she got safely to where she needed to be. That's just... amazing.
Mm those are most of my thoughts for today!
Since my first day at work, I fell completely in love with my 4-year-olds. They were so adorable and innocent. I love the little things that they say that show how little they know about the real world... Unfortunately, that program (Operation Breakthrough) ended last week, so I won't be seeing the babies anymore...
I guess one thing that I realized about that program was my inability to really get the adults that I worked with to respect me. They addressed me occasionally, and I guess I didn't feel really needed there. I think that's more of my desire to be relevant which is really not that important. Anyway, I just hope I made a difference with the kids and helped them in some way. I certainly learned how to cope with their constant desire to have anything they want, which is something that will come in hand in later years.
With the K-6 kids, they're really different. They're all beginning to be a bit hormonal, and they all want to fit in so they like to copy each other. Then the little kids are bratty but so adorable...
One of our supervisors wanted them to memorize poems for their presentation this Monday, and the poems are random motivational poems; however, they don't even rhyme and they don't even have a specific rhythm... Well I worked with two 3rd graders, one kindergartner, and sometimes one 1st grader and one 4th grader. It was honestly so difficult, and I just felt like I was pulling teeth. I felt bad that I had to bribe them since they're not always going to have some sort of substantial reward for just following directions... A few days ago, they had a rehearsal and they had to recite their poems for the lady who assigned them, and my kids were perfect in their recitations. I was so proud :) I think that was the first time that I actually felt maybe an inkling of how parents feel when their kids have done well in school or how teachers feel when students actually try.
One thing that happened at work today was a little unexpected I guess. The kids have a dance teacher named Mr. Haddis. Mr. Haddis is black, middle aged, and very very talkative. He approached Celeste and I as we were about to leave and he basically made references to the fact that I was Asian and female... Celeste and I were both really blown away by that, and I'm glad that Celeste and I did have similar reactions. I was really surprised that race was brought into an innocent conversation, and even though I do sometimes feel some favoritism towards Celeste because she's black, I've never heard anyone point at race so outwardly before. Besides, even with the favoritism towards Celeste, I feel like she deserves it because she's a really great people person that I really admire and from whom I'm learning a lot. Anyway, Mr. Haddis's comments were just a good reminder that there are some things that I just can't avoid, and that is part of the reason why my mom wants me to work harder so that my merits can outweigh any disadvantages from my skin color.
Before I left for work today, however, I saw something really selfless. I was walking across the street to meet Celeste to go to work and it was pouring like none other. As I was crossing I heard a dog bark, and I saw a woman in a wheelchair (and the dog on a leash next to her) who seemed to be waiting for someone. I saw a guy come out of his parked car with an umbrella and he started helping the woman with something. I assumed that he was her assistant and that he was just going to help her get her wheelchair moving and then park his car or something. As Celeste and I were driving past them, she wondered if they needed any help. She rolled down her window, and as it was going, we saw that the woman was finally able to move and we heard her say to the guy, "so what was your name again?" As we drove off, we saw him push her to whereever she was going while the rain poured and poured.
I haven't seen anyone decide to help someone truly in need and just cast aside their belongings to do a good deed. Even when the Bible tells us that we must always be prepared to leave our possessions and follow the Lord, it can sometimes be so difficult for us to do so; yet, this guy was willing to leave his car haphazardly parked in the road with probably a lot of possessions in it to help a woman he did not know and to see that she got safely to where she needed to be. That's just... amazing.
Mm those are most of my thoughts for today!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)