One of the people in DukeEngage is an international student from Zimbabwe. He shared that as a black student, he expected to naturally become friends with other black students. Unfortunately, that was not the case. He became friends with other international students--students who also had trouble conforming to our American lifestyle as well as overcoming the language barrier. He said something that was extremely wise and something that I find to be very true:
The people we're friends with aren't always people of the same skin color; my close friends arethe people who have faced similar challenges as me.I find that to be very true. I like hanging out with Asian people more because they face similar stereotypes, and I prefer socializing with Christians because they face similar challenges on campus. It's easier to be friends with people that don't do things that challenge you because it's comfortable.
Well, I want to step out of my comfort zone.
Yesterday, we also talked about identity. We talked about racial and economic stereotypes, as well as religious ones. How they hinder how we see things and how we act around people, as well as our friend group. I realized that I identify firstly as being Asian and second-of-all as being Christian. Others said they identified as being gay and one person, whom I really respect after last night, said that she identified herself as being part of DUU. She told us how she didn't look at skin color or class to determine her friends, but rather personality. As much as I'd like to say that I do that; I don't. It's easier for me to approach someone who's Asian or someone I've seen at some church meeting or something I've seen surrounded by other Asians that it is for me to approach a white person or a sorority girl.
After I came home, I wrote a list of how I identify myself, and it made me kind of sad.
On Duke campus, I identify myself as...
- Asian
- GMCC
- Pre-Med
This thought has been revolving in my head for awhile, but yesterday really convicted me that as much as I love GMCC, I want to be tied to something at Duke as well. I started to think of clubs and organizations at Duke that I would be interested in joining; however one final thought from the reflection session popped up in my mind...
A girl in a service fraternity told us about how, as Duke students, we're so focused on the future that we aren't willing to devote ourselves to anything that I believe in because it drains so much time away from our studies. She recounted how no one wanted to run for leadership positions in the fraternity for fear that the time commitment would draw them away from getting into Medical School, Law School, Grad School...
Honestly, that's me too. I wanted to start to step out of my church more because the fellowships would take away so much from my studies. Selfishly, I wanted to say it was to be a bigger part of the campus, but it's not. I'm afraid that if I go to these fellowships that occur so often, I will no longer be able to go to a good medical school. I think, however, that my reasoning for why I don't want to go to our fellowships as often is solid. I don't think GMCC fellowships are always God-centered. It doesn't always have to be, but in the majority of our hangouts during the schoolyear, I didn't feel any closer to God. I felt closer to my peers but that wasn't from growing closer to God together, it was from hanging out so much.
What I do feel convicted of is growing closer to God. I haven't hungered for God in awhile... I also feel convicted of joining an organization on campus that I strongly believe in. What the girl said last night really made me think. I want to become a doctor so I can make a difference in someone's life. But am I so driven by this goal that I'm blind to the other opportunities available to make a difference in someone's life at this moment? Sharing the gospel is the greatest thing one can do to change someone's life, and yet I don't have the courage to do so and so I push it aside and hide behind my Orgo books. Maybe later I'll have the courage. Maybe later I'll have the time. Maybe later I'll know just the right thing to say.
